Mindfulness & Cigarettes
If you ever struggled with an addiction to cigarettes, saying “me too” seems an insufficient way to describe a shared understanding of this relationship. I feel a great deal of empathy and compassion for anyone who smokes, anyone who has quit, those who’ve tried to quit, and those who don’t want to quit. I’ve been in all of those places. Seems apropos to call those who quit smoking ‘ex-smokers,’ because those who have quit know how difficult it was to end this toxic/dependent relationship, and one that is far too often rekindled.
As a smoker, there was a great amount of ritual and intention in my smoking. I didn’t just have a cigarette to feed my nicotine craving, but to step outside, get some sun, and take a break from whatever it was that I was doing. I realized I kept failing because I wasn’t replacing my smoking rituals with anything. I thought you were just supposed to white knuckle it or accept that I would gain 5-10 pounds from substituting the hand-to-mouth motion with food.
It wasn’t until I really took time to break down accept and embrace all the ways smoking cigarettes served me… aside from feeding the chemical dependency, here are some of the reasons/excuses I used to smoke a cigarette: wanting time to myself, preparing myself for difficult conversations/confrontations/interactions, debriefing myself after encounters, taking a moment in nature, grounding/centering myself spending time in silence. The only thing wrong with any of these things is that I would pollute my lungs and those around me while doing them. I realized being a smoker was a way for me to have an excuse to take time for myself throughout the day. This was a beautiful and terrible feeling when I realized this truth for myself. I mean, how awesome was I for permitting myself to say I needed a break, and how sad to realize I thought I needed an excuse to take time for myself throughout the day?
When I allowed myself to continue to do all the things I did while I was smoking and just not smoke while I did them - that was when I felt a shift in my relationship with smoking. I’m happy to say I haven’t smoked a cigarette in over 3 years now, and I don’t foresee myself taking the habit up again.
Perhaps this resonates with you? At the very least, it’s an invitation to honor the cigarette smoker as they intentionally attend to themselves - oftentimes to find moments of peace, silence, and/or comfort throughout their day. Aside from inhaling toxins, the cigarette smoker has something to teach everyone - we all deserve to take time for ourselves and should do so frequently throughout the day.
To be clear, I am in no way encouraging you to smoke. I encourage you to be mindful of how you want to take time for yourself, and if you’re struggling to quit, feel free to explore the ways smoking serves you. I’d be curious to know if your conclusion is similar to mine.